Category Archives: IELTS Writing Academic (all)

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 6 Report 2

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IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 6 Report 2

Band score: approximately 6.0

Format: Academic

Task: Task 1

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The bar chart shows the number of children in two different age groups in an average class in different countries.

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IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 6 Report 2

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph illustrates the number of students on [‘in’] an average class at different ages (9 and 13) in different countries [be more specific – ‘in 4 different countries as well as the global average’].

It is clearly shown in the graph that Hong Kong and Japan had the most [‘highest’] number of students at the age of 9; Hong Kong had 35 number of [delete this] students per class at age 9 [This could have been more succinctly put – ‘Hong Kong had 35 students per class, while Japan had 31.’] while Japan had moreover [this linking word is not appropriate here] 31 number of [delete this] students per class. However, Japan had an increase number of students [delete this – it is repetition] to about 24 but the students in Hong Kong dropped at [‘to’] 31 students per class at the age 13.

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The United States and the Global Average [no need for capital letters here – ‘global average’] had an equal number of 23 students per class at the age of 9 but fell by age 13.

Russia, on the other hand [this phrase needs to be surrounded by commas – ‘Russia, on the other hand, had…’] got [this is too informal – ‘had’] the lowest number of students both at age 9 and 13, having only 10 and 9 students per class accordingly.

To summarise, at the age of 9 [comma needed here too] there were more students in Hong Kong [we don’t know that there were more students in the country – only that they had more per class] but as the students reached the age of 13, most of the students [Again, we don’t know that ‘most’ students studied in Japan, only that they had most per class] were [delete this] studied in Japan.

(176 words)


Comments:

The main information is given, but there are very few sentences that do not contain errors. There are some inappropriate words as well as some incorrect grammar, and this is reducing the overall score. Some of the data is also incorrect – the number of Japanese students aged 13 did not rise to 24, it rose to 34.

However, the paragraphing is clear and logical.


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 1

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 1

Band score: approximately 5.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison.

Do you agree or disagree?

*compulsory work helping the community, such as decorating public facilities, which they must carry out in their spare time for a given period.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 1Many countries around the world have conventions for the [delete this – you are referring in general to people who have committed minor crimes] people who have committed miner [‘minor’] crimes to be sent involving [this is unclear – it could say ‘directed to do’] community services such as working in the [delete this] community houses, neighbourhood houses, cleaning and take [‘or taking’] care of public parks. This is a positive way of dealing with the miner [‘minor’] criminals in order to push them in right [‘the right’] direction. When people commit certain cremes [‘crimes’], it's [don’t abbreviate in IELTS – write the full words (it is)] not a wise decision for them to give prison sentence [‘a prison sentence’] due to many negative reasons [the reasons are not negative – this could be ‘effects’ or ‘consequences’]. Even though some people do believe that these individuals should be in the [delete this] prison, it's [don’t abbreviate in IELTS – write the full words (it is)] not possible to agree with them [this is too strong – it is possible. Change the sentence to ‘there is a strong argument against this’].

The truth [this is not a formal phrase for IELTS – better to say that ‘It is commonly accepted that’] is inside the prison premises people [‘inmates’] can be mixing with each other for different reasons. As a scenario [this needs to be followed by a comma] even though a person do not [‘does not’ is grammatically correct, but ‘may not’ would be better] feel to be in a part of a certain group, due to the power, ability, physical, and other factors he has to alliance [ally] with the [delete this] others in order to survive within the prison system. Therefore miner [‘minor’] crime victims [they aren’t crime victims, they are criminals] may start companionship with the major and high criminal profiles and it can lead to make situations bad to worst. [this is too long and unclear – the writer needs to get to the point quicker and in a simpler manner] They may persuade and [‘be persuaded to’] learn advance [‘more signficant’] crimes or may connect with the unwanted [change to ‘undesirable’] people in side [‘inside’ (one word)] the prison or through them out side [‘outside’ (one word)] as well. Moreover [this needs to be followed by a comma] within the prison system the ability [this word is normally used for a positive attribute – better would be ‘potential’] to loos [‘loose’] self esteem and self worth can be greater then [‘than’] his own community. Thus [‘Although’] there could be some issues and comments from the society, still it’s a grate [this should be spelled ‘great’, but would still be too informal for Task II] opportunity to remain in the society [this is repetition] and do social work with their own time.

(256 words)


Comments:

The main problem here is paragraphing. The introduction is too long, accounting for nearly 100 words, followed by a single paragraph. There needs to be at least two body paragraphs (preferably 3) and a conclusion, all clearly differentiated from each other.

There is also a lot of repetition in your work – minor crimes, for example appears multiple times in the essay.

The final sentences suggests that the writer was about to prepare a concession paragraph (‘still’) but this isn’t clearly given.

The essay does not balance the arguments with considering either the victims’ point of view or how the local community can benefit from the work the criminals are required to do under community service.


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IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 6 Report 1

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 6 Report 1

Band score: approximately 6.0

Format: Academic

Task: Task 1

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 6 Report 1

The charts provides [‘chart provides’ – it is only one chart] information about the percentages of population living in rural and urban areas in different areas [be a little more specific – ‘…five different areas…’] and the whole world in 2003 and 2030.

In 2003, 48% of the population was living in urban areas in the whole world as average. The percentages in Africa and Asia were clearly lower than average, standing at 38% and 42% respectively. Meanwhile, the people in other areas, including Europe, South America and North America, were more keen to live in the city [we don’t know if they were keen – their feelings are not given in the graph]. The proportion was between 70-80%. And the North American [don’t start a sentence with And. This could just begin with ‘…North America had…’] had the highest urban population proportion at 80%, roughly double to the percentages of African and Asian.

In 2030, it is estimated that more people will move to city. It will be 59% in average [‘on average’] in the whole world. The increase in Africa and Asia will be dramatical [‘dramatic’] thanks to the relatively low percentages in 2003, which will be [this is a relative clause. It is good grammar, but the ‘which will’ section refers to 2003 as that is what it follows. Of course, this is not correct – it actually relates to 2030. Better would have been ‘…in 2003, rising to 54% and 55% respectively.’] 54% and 55% respectively. Though only little [‘slight’ would be more academic] changes is expected [‘are expected’] in the other 3 areas, they will be [‘are predicted to be’] still higher than the formor [spelling – former] 2 areas, which will be [‘is estimated to be’] between 79-85%. However, the highest proportion of urban population will be [‘is anticipated to be’] found in South America, which is likely to be 85% in 2030.

In conclusion [In conclusion is not the best way to end Task I. In conclusion suggests a balance of opinion, but Task I has no opinions – it is fact. Better would be ‘To sum up’], the city population will increase in the future in all areas in the world, and it is more evident in Africa and Asia.

(225 words)


Comments

This report is over 70 words longer than the requirement. The risk of writing so much over the word limit is that more errors are shown to the examiner, and points can be lost for not being coherent and cohesive. The writer needs to use a wider variety of expressions when talking about data. For example, 48% could be described as ‘nearly half’. Showing a range of ways to express the information is important for a high result. It is also important to only write exactly what is shown in the graph – don’t add any personal opinions or value judgements about the graph.

Some of the sentences are a little short, and would have been better combined to create longer, more academic sentences.

The writer uses ‘will’ to refer to the future, whereas the graph indicates that this is only estimated, so ‘will’ is too strong.

However, the report summarises all of the essential information, provides a clear overview of the trends and is written in a suitable academic style.


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IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 3

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 3

Band score: approximately 5.0

Format: Academic

Task: Task 1

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 3

As can we [‘be’] seen on [‘in’] this chart, there is [‘was’ (it’s in the past)] a dramatic increased of people [‘increase in the percentage of people’] who used car or truck [either ‘cars or trucks’ or ‘a car or a truck’] in compare [‘comparison’] to other kind [‘kinds’] of transport on [‘in’] both years with almost 70% on 2001 and just below 60% in 1996. With [delete this] the other type [‘types’] of transport there [delete this] were far behind of [‘with’] less than 15% on [‘in’] the same years.

People who based their job at home and rides [‘or rode’] bicycle [‘a bicycle’] in 2001 for [‘to work, not for it’] work are [‘were’] slightly higher in compare [‘comparison’] to other periods and all other type [‘types’] of transport are dominated by 1996 period [this isn’t clear – how did it ‘dominate’ the year?]. Personnel [a good attempt at avoiding repetition, but this means that all of the people were employees, which is not given in the graph – they could be self-employed] who are using [‘used’] there [‘their’] own car in 1996 are up by [‘increased by’] more than 10% in compare [‘compared’] to approximately 5%. With [‘in’] the same year the number of people who walked, public transport user [‘used public transport’] and [‘or’] other way [‘ways’] of transport are [‘were’] higher compared to other [‘the other’] year.

(134 words)


Comments:

This report is too short for the requirements of the task, and there is no clear academic structure (no introduction, no ending statement and no ‘overall’ description).

Although some sentences are quite long, they are not clear and often lose meaning. It would be better to write shorter, clearer sentences divided into paragraphs.

As the graph has two past dates, the tenses used should be the past forms, but the writer uses a mix of past and present forms.


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IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 2

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 2

Band score: approximately 5.0

Format: Academic

Task: Task 1

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 2The chart below demonstrates how people used to travel to work in the year [delete this or use ‘the years’] 1996 and 2001 which was held [delete this – you only ‘hold’ something like an event, a festival etc.] in Grahamston. There are 7 mode [‘modes’] of transportation to be selected from: drove by car or truck, private vehicle passenger, walked, bicycle, public transport, other (which comprises taxi, ferry, aeroplanes) [avoid writing in this kind of ‘list’ format]. Favourite [we don’t know if it was the ‘favourite’, only that it was the most common. This should also have started a new paragraph] mode was by the use of the car or truck which got the highest [‘which was most used’ – ‘got the highest’ is too informal] more or less [this is too informal – change to something like ‘with approximately’] 77% in the year 2001. Still, we could see [‘it can be seen that’ is more academic] that in 1996, a little bit less [too informal ‘this was slightly lower’] which was 56% but still the highest in that year. Secondly, [A new paragraph should have been started here] there was a big [‘significant’] difference of 11% (private vehicle passenger) from the use of car or truck in the year 1996 and 2001. The rest were all 10% or less in both 1996 and 2001. In 1996, ‘other’ or public transport were a little bit the same [too informal – change to something like ‘comparatively similar with’] 9%, 10% respectively. While ‘walked’ or ‘walked at home’ are [‘were’] 6% and 5% respectively. ‘Bicycle’ was the least favorite in that time (1996).

(165 words)


Comments:

One of the main issues here is the lack of paragraphing, but also there are a number of occasions where the vocabulary used is too informal. Also, throughout the report, the writer is very specific with the data (77%, 56% etc) where using a wider range of expressions would have been better. For example, 77% could be ‘just over three quarters of the total’. There are also significant errors with grammar and sentence construction.

On the positive side, the writer has covered the main points and striking trends, and some of the expressions used are academic.


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IELTS Task 1 describing trends

IELTS Task 1 describing trends

In IELTS Task 1, a trend is the general direction or movement that can be seen in the graph. It is essential to use a range of vocabulary when describing trends in order to get a good result, so here are some of the important language you can use.

Practice by deciding whether these phrases below mean an upward, downward or even trend.

Expanding your sentences

IELTS Task 1 describing trendsAs well as using the vocabulary above to describe the direction of the trend, you should also use adjectives and adverbs to describe amount or degree of change.

For example:

Sales increased from 2007 to 2009. GOOD

Sales increased moderately from 2007 to 2009. BETTER

Put the words below in the correct column. Some can go in more than one column.

 

Create complete, expanded sentences

Now put it together by matching the phrases / sentences with the matching image. You will need to drag the phrases / sentences down to the correct area matching the image.

 

Remember that in the Academic IELTS test, one of the areas you are being assessed on is your ability to accurately describe the information given in the illustration, and in the majority of cases this will involve describing trends.

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 1

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 1

Band score: approximately 5.0

Format: Academic

Task: Task 1

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows how people travelled to work in 1996 and 2001.

IELTS Academic Task 1 writing sample Band 5 Report 1Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart is shows [just ‘shows’ – delete ‘is’] the different modes of transportation used by the people in Grahamston on their way to work in the year [‘years’ – plural] 1996 and 2001.

It is note [‘notable’] that both in the year 1996 and 2001 [‘in both years’ avoids repetition from the previous sentence] , a majority [‘the majority’ – there can only be only one majority] of the people in Grahamston drove their own car or truck to go to [delete this] work. There were [‘This accounted for’ would be better] about 58% in 1996 and increased to 68% in 2001. In the year [delete this – it is obvious from the context] 1996, the commonest used of [‘the most commonly used form of’] transportation was a car or truck with 58% [delete this – it is repetition] and followed by private vehicle pasengers with 12% and a slightly [‘slight’] difference of 2% with the used [‘use’] of public transport of [‘at’] 10%. The two least mode [‘common modes’] of transport in Grahamston was by [‘were’ – delete by] walking with 7% and by the bicycle of only [‘using a bicycle at only’] 2%. There were about 6% people in Grahamston that worked at home.

In 2001, there was an increased [‘increase’] of 10% in using their car and truck [‘cars or trucks’] on their way to worked [‘work’] from 58% to 68% in 1996 and 2001 accordingly. There was a slight increased [‘increase’] of 3% in working at home reaching up to 9%. And [delete this – don’t start a sentence with ‘and’] with regards in [delete this] using bicycle [either ‘a bicycle’ or ‘bicycles’] ther [‘there’] is an inceased [‘increase’] of only 1%. There was [add ‘a fall of’] almost half of the people used [‘who used’] public transport from 10% in 1996 to 5% in 2001. An inclined [‘A rising’] number of people walked to worked with 7%.

In conclusion [avoid this word in Task I. Use ‘To sum up’ instead] , mostly [‘most’] of the people in Grahamston travelled to work by car or truck in 1996 and 2001 and there was increased [‘an increased’] number of people who stayed at home for worked [‘work’] with 6% in 1996 and 9% in 2001. The were only few [‘a few’] people who used the other modes of transportation.

(269 words)


Comments:

The first problem here is that the report is too long, and there are a number of minor errors with prepositions (‘of only 2%’) and structure. There is also too much repetition of key information. Basic grammar forms have a number of errors (there was an increased) and even simple plurals have been missed (the two least mode of transportation). There are a number of significant spelling errors and some of the language used is inappropriate (an inclined number of people). However, there is a clear overview and the writer has identified and expressed the main trends.


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IELTS writing model answer

IELTS Task 2 Writing model answer 011

IELTS Task 2 Writing model answer 11

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:

Teenagers are spending an increasing amount of time on the Internet, and this is having a negative effect on their social skills.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

IELTS Task 2 Writing model answer 11It is not uncommon these days for younger people to spend an hour or more a day online, and although this does detract from time spent taking to family members, it is not necessarily affecting their social development as will now be discussed.

The primary reason to disagree with the statement is that a considerable amount of time that youngsters are on the internet is actually spent on social networking sites such as Facebook. As these sites are specifically designed for social purposes, the argument that social skills are declining would appear to be invalid. It is only when the time online is spent playing single player games or generally surfing for entertainment without interacting with others online that this could be considered unsociable.

In addition, an increasing dependence on the internet for a broad range of tasks from completing homework and studies to checking bank balances and searching for employment means that being online is often simply an alternative manner of working or completing necessary chores, and should not be considered related to social skills at all.

Admittedly, if too much time is spent online playing games or looking at websites, then there is the potential for surfers to become less able to interact with people directly. However, this can be negated by ensuring that time online is limited to a reasonable amount, and can even be controlled by using technology that actively records the amount of time online.

To sum up, it is not that the internet is causing us to become less sociable, it is simply that the nature of social interaction is changing.

(267 words)

IELTS Academic Task 1 Writing model answer 009

IELTS Academic Task 1 Writing model answer 9

IELTS Academic Task 1 Writing model answer 9You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The line graph shows the average temperature during the hottest part of the day in Australia in 2007.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The line graph shows changes in median highest temperatures in 5 cities in Australia in different seasons in 2007.

Throughout the graph, Darwin was always the hottest place, with an average temperature of 34 degrees Celsius in summer. Darwin was also notable in that the fall in temperature between summer and autumn was the smallest decrease between seasons of any of the cities that year, sinking to only about 33 degrees.

Cairns and Perth were the next warmest cities shown, although Perth was markedly cooler than Perth in autumn and winter, falling to approximately 19 degrees in the coolest season.

Sydney and Adelaide had similar temperatures in summer and autumn, with only a degree between them, but in winter, Adelaide fell below Sydney to become the coldest place illustrated. Sydney, Adelaide and Perth all had comparable temperatures in spring.

Overall, it can be seen that in 2007, temperatures in these cities in Australia ranged from approximately 34 degrees to 15 degrees at their average hottest point.

(166 words)

 

 

IELTS Task 2 Writing model answer 010

IELTS Task 2 Writing model answer 10

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:

In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit. While some support this, other people believe that this money should not be given.

Discuss both points of view and give your own point of view.

 

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

IELTS Task 2 Writing model answer 10The payment of a benefit for those who are out of work is a sensitive issue with strong opinions for and against. This essay will now examine both sides of the argument and present a final conclusion.

Those in favour of this financial support argue that in some cases, it is not the fault of the unemployed person, and that the assistance is needed for them to survive while they continue to look for work. Without this, there is the potential concern that crime would increase due to a lack of alternatives. To illustrate, if a parent with dependent children could not find work and had no other help, they would have little option but to resort to theft to prevent their children from going hungry.

On the other hand, there are those that argue that paying someone who does not work simply encourages people to remain unemployed, especially when the alternative could be a relatively low paid job. There are situations where people are simply not interested in finding a position of employment as it offers very little additional money compared to doing nothing at home and receiving free handouts. This situation could escalate as people who are on a low income may resent paying a portion of their tax payments to support those who make little or no effort to find employment.

Considering both points of view, it seems that a compromise may be the best solution. Payment of the unemployment benefit should be limited to a short period of time, after which the amount received should be progressively reduced. This would encourage those receiving the benefit to be more proactive when looking for work.

(277 words)