Category Archives: IELTS Writing Task 2 (sample answers)

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 3

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 7 Essay 1

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IELTS writing sample answer

Band score: approximately 7.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

The mark of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 7 Essay 1Many people argue that success in life is related to being rich and having a successful career [this is taken directly from the title – it is important to paraphrase]. However, in my opinion [this would be better phrased as ‘it could be argued that’], there are several other factors that have to be considered, as as I will now explain [‘as will now be explained’ is more academic].

Primarily, the definition of success can be extremely controversial. There can be as many types of success in life [this is a repeat of the opening phrase used in the introduction] as there are people. For example, the meaning of success for some people living in the countryside might be vastly different from these [‘those’] living in the big [‘major’ would be more academic] cities. In general, people in the countryside thrive for [‘thrive on’ or ‘strive for’] social respect, [no need for a comma here] and family values rather than monetary accounts [this isn’t clear – it could be ‘monetary gain’]. They seem to be happier when they feel respected by their relatives, or their ideas [‘opinions’ suits better] are considered highly among their community.

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Moreover, a considerable portion [‘proportion’] of people find their satisfaction in good education. They have eagerness [‘an eagerness’] to learn and gain more knowledge. They believe [these setences could be combined – ‘…knowledge, believing’] that knowledge [use a reference word to avoid repetition – ‘this’] is power and a way to lighten their minds and lives. To illustrate, many scientists have devoted their lives in [‘to’] research to make a discovery or an invention, and even thought [‘though’] these people did [‘may’] not have luxurious lives, not many can argue that they were not successful.

Furthermore, in many cases, we judge others [‘people are judged’ – avoid using we] by their outside appearance; that they are successful because they own, for example, a big [‘large’ is a little more academic] house, an expensive car, or a good business. But [‘However,’] owning these items would not always make them feel successful unless for instant [‘instance’], their family life is stable, their health is in good shape, or they really feel satisfied with what they have.

To conclude, I believe that there are many factors that should be taken into account besides wealth and successful career [this is directly from the title] before judging that [‘whether’] a person is really successful in his life.

(291 words)


Comments:

Although certain phrases could have been more academically expressed, this is a well presented response to the task and is laid out in logical paragraphs.

Avoiding the use of the personal pronoun ‘I’ would make the essay more academic, as well as upgrading some of the vocabulary (e.g. ‘big cities’ could be expressed as ‘larger urban areas’).

Linking words could also be improved, especially avoiding beginning a sentence with ‘But’.


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 1

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 1

Band score: approximately 5.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison.

Do you agree or disagree?

*compulsory work helping the community, such as decorating public facilities, which they must carry out in their spare time for a given period.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 1Many countries around the world have conventions for the [delete this – you are referring in general to people who have committed minor crimes] people who have committed miner [‘minor’] crimes to be sent involving [this is unclear – it could say ‘directed to do’] community services such as working in the [delete this] community houses, neighbourhood houses, cleaning and take [‘or taking’] care of public parks. This is a positive way of dealing with the miner [‘minor’] criminals in order to push them in right [‘the right’] direction. When people commit certain cremes [‘crimes’], it's [don’t abbreviate in IELTS – write the full words (it is)] not a wise decision for them to give prison sentence [‘a prison sentence’] due to many negative reasons [the reasons are not negative – this could be ‘effects’ or ‘consequences’]. Even though some people do believe that these individuals should be in the [delete this] prison, it's [don’t abbreviate in IELTS – write the full words (it is)] not possible to agree with them [this is too strong – it is possible. Change the sentence to ‘there is a strong argument against this’].

The truth [this is not a formal phrase for IELTS – better to say that ‘It is commonly accepted that’] is inside the prison premises people [‘inmates’] can be mixing with each other for different reasons. As a scenario [this needs to be followed by a comma] even though a person do not [‘does not’ is grammatically correct, but ‘may not’ would be better] feel to be in a part of a certain group, due to the power, ability, physical, and other factors he has to alliance [ally] with the [delete this] others in order to survive within the prison system. Therefore miner [‘minor’] crime victims [they aren’t crime victims, they are criminals] may start companionship with the major and high criminal profiles and it can lead to make situations bad to worst. [this is too long and unclear – the writer needs to get to the point quicker and in a simpler manner] They may persuade and [‘be persuaded to’] learn advance [‘more signficant’] crimes or may connect with the unwanted [change to ‘undesirable’] people in side [‘inside’ (one word)] the prison or through them out side [‘outside’ (one word)] as well. Moreover [this needs to be followed by a comma] within the prison system the ability [this word is normally used for a positive attribute – better would be ‘potential’] to loos [‘loose’] self esteem and self worth can be greater then [‘than’] his own community. Thus [‘Although’] there could be some issues and comments from the society, still it’s a grate [this should be spelled ‘great’, but would still be too informal for Task II] opportunity to remain in the society [this is repetition] and do social work with their own time.

(256 words)


Comments:

The main problem here is paragraphing. The introduction is too long, accounting for nearly 100 words, followed by a single paragraph. There needs to be at least two body paragraphs (preferably 3) and a conclusion, all clearly differentiated from each other.

There is also a lot of repetition in your work – minor crimes, for example appears multiple times in the essay.

The final sentences suggests that the writer was about to prepare a concession paragraph (‘still’) but this isn’t clearly given.

The essay does not balance the arguments with considering either the victims’ point of view or how the local community can benefit from the work the criminals are required to do under community service.


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 3

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 3

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 3

Band score: approximately 5.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

The mark of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 5 Essay 3Nowadays, both education and experience are regarded as useful for success , two seperate clauses cannot be joinged with a comma – either a full stop or semi colon ( ; ) some people say that education is much better than experience, while others think that experience is much more useful, thus many people have different ideologies concerning the matter of jobs for younger students. So thus delete ‘thus’ these both ‘both these’ views will now be discussed.

Firstly, let's speak about this is too conversational for Task II – it needs to be more formal academic education. Almost eighty percent of the delete this people believe that education is needed to pursue a good career avoid using random, unsupported statistics, and thus this linking word is being overused in this essay the result of ‘as a result’ many youngsters are given academic education, be it at home or school. Education is said to be the source of power; if a person has good ‘a good’ education and is very literate, then wealth and respect is always this it too strong – it is not always there there for him. ‘Knowledge is power’, is a very famous quote, it is easily understandable don’t use generic quotations in Task II, it means that education and literacy always this is too strong – ‘often’ gives you avoid personalisation – change to ‘a person’ wealth and respect. So thus delete – repetition education is very useful and so it promises a very successful life.

Then comes the argument of experience, you can’t combine two indpeend clauses with a comma – either use a semi colon or start a new sentence again experience is also a very useful thing avoid empty language like ‘thing’ – change to ‘quality’ or ‘tool’, which is seen and counted delete this – it is overly longamong employers. The jobs which offer the most most what? Be specific – money, opportunities, fulfillment require, usually, a minimum of at least 4-8 years experience, again, avoid random statistics so thus repetition many youngsters and teenagers are given the experience of work, so that later on they don't avoid abbreviations in Task II – write the full words (do not)have trouble in seeking jobs, later this has already been said at the begining of the sentence. So normally experience too gives aid for this is not commonly used in this context – ‘can support’ people who need a job, and makes ‘can make’ a good combination with education.

Lastly I would just like to say that too informal both education and both experience are good and useful in their own way, and our are not better than each other, they are equally good, and make an extremely useful combination a lot of repetition here.

(281 words)

 


Comments:

The word count is good, but the main problem is that the writer has not addressed the topic. The Task required a response about whether success can be measured by having wealth and a good career, but the writer has focused on education and experience. Some sentences also need to be presented in a more formal manner (‘First, let’s speak about….’)

There are errors with punctuation that make the essay difficult to follow at times (such as the first line of the introduction).

The essay also needs more examples to support the points made in the paragraphs.

However, some good vocabulary has been used.


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 2

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 2

Band score: approximately 8.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

An increasing number of families have computers at home.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of internet access for minors?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


Although there are a number of disadvantages in relation to the usage of internet ‘internet usage’ by youngsters, the positive effects are outweighed by the negatives, as will be discussed below.

Primarily, access to internet in the comfort of home is likely to be a factor that leads to the increase of knowledge in a variety of fields. Not only is scheduling homework this is a little unclear – families don’t schedule homework made easier in the case of families owning a computer with internet access, but, in addition, there is no ‘is almost no’ field where the proper information is not available online; This sentence is getting overly long – start a new sentence here in some cases, the way it is presented is even more appealing to a youngster. To illustrate, many websites are interactive, replace the comma with ‘and’ brightly coloured, offering the youngster a multitude of ways of learning. Moreover, knowledge of how to use the internet effectively is fast becoming an essential skill throughout throughout what? the world? life? This needs a little more development, so is best learned early.

There are reasons to suggest there are also disadvantages to online access, in particular if it is facilitated within a known environment this isn’t clear – if it’s a known environment, why is it a disadvantage?. It could be argued that youngsters are less prone to engage in face-to-face social activities, as a result of spending too much time indoors.

However, a number of solutions could be proposed to limit the negative effects of the internet access; change this to ‘such as’ or similar the use of software that registers or limits the availability of certain types of websites is often recommended. Furthermore, the amount of time spent indoors could be easily limited ‘easily be limited’ by parents.

In brief, provided there is an adequate control on the part of the children's ‘of children by’ older relatives, in relation to the amount of time spent online and the content accessed, the technology in question is not only beneficial, but also necessary, and it allows the youngsters to broaden their education and perspectives.

(289 words)


Comments:

In the second body paragraph, the argument isn’t very clear with regards being ‘facilitated within a known environment’, but in general the response is well constructed and supported.

There are some errors with using the article and the word ‘internet’ (‘access to internet’) and also some areas where the vocabulary is either missing or inappropriate (‘youngsters are less to engage’). However, there are some academically constructed complex sentences.

 


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 1

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 1

Band score: approximately 8.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in study be motivated to learn?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 1There is a significant number of young students who are not motivated enough in thier school studies; however, there are many ways which contribute in ‘to’ making school subjects likeable; a comma here, not a semi colon as the following essay will explain.

First of all ‘Primarily’ would be more academic, it is reasonable to argue that it is teacher's ‘a teacher’s’ or ‘teachers” responsibility to enhance children’s strongest skills; start a new sentence here Moreover ‘For example,’ evaluating and praising students for thier good work or effort could benefit in building thier ‘their’ self-esteem and become ‘helping them become’ more interested in school. A teacher who knows that a particular child might not be as good in math, but very talented in drawing could allow the child to post his drawings on the wall. This could encourage him to help other children as well. This point needs to be developed more – how can it encourage him to help other children?

Another point that could be considered is that, depending on the age of children, school and study should be represented as an interpretation of learning and play; Full stop here For instance, young children who are less interested in studies are likely to be more interested in playing. In that way, play would help to impart academic information on those children in unnotable way ‘games could be used to discreetly impact academic information’.

Finally, an additional factor in helping some students to be more interested in their studies is teachers. Educators who have not ‘do not have’ sufficient knowledge about the subject they teach are not likely to encourage those children. It is a fact ‘generally accepted’ – it’s not a fact that an energetic teacher who possesses enough talent will ‘can’ make teaching fun and desirable for most students.

In brief, the three reasons represented above could help greatly in drawing some children’s attention into studying school subjects. Recongising ‘Recognising’ children’s best quality ‘qualities’, enhancing and giving incentives for their contribution in class as well as having professional teachers, could benefit enormously children’s interest in school.

(272 words)

 


Comments:

There are some spelling errors that have affected the vocabulary level of the essay, but in general it is well written with good paragraphs each with a clear and relevant point. There are some good examples of more advanced sentence structures.

Despite some errors with punctuation (particularly semi-colons), the organisation and presentation are well managed


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 3

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 3

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 3

Band score: approximately 8.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Should arts-related entertainment venues such as museums and art galleries be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge apply for admittance?

Discuss this issue, and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 8 Essay 3This essay presents a discussion about art galleries and related entertainment and whether it is fair to charge a fee or not get access to ‘to access’ is more formal them, followed by a personal opinion.

A charge should apply ‘be applied’ in order to get access to some forms of art entertainment this needs to be followed by a comma for instance a presentation of foreign arts and crafts. This incurs a cost to bring and present them in your ‘the exhibitors’ own country so a fee must be charged to finance the expenses of bringing different type of cultures to another country. For example, an exposition of ancient Egyptian jewellery in the United States generates a cost for Egypt for transport ‘transporting’ these various items and an expense to the United States museum who will be displaying them.

On the other hand, heritage collections and cultural festivals should allow of delete this free access to the general public in their own country for they represent the history of their own people and this promotes a better understanding of the true meanings of a particular national culture. For example ‘For instance’ – for example has already been used, national museums where important documents are stored which represent the foundations of the actual political and legal system of a country or ancient crafts which depict our predecessors predecessors’ – needs the plural apostrophe at the end of the word way of life.

My personal opinion is that a charge or fee for admittance should be applied when foreign collections or artistic presentations are shown. Also, it can be applied to national museums and galleries but only if the money gathered is reinvested in the preservation of such institutions or the promotion of similar places.

(252 words)

 


Comments:

The argument is clearly presented and gives two good points before moving to the personal point of view. There are some issues with punctuation, but a wide range of vocabulary and grammar have been used, and the length is appropriate for the task.


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 7 Essay 3

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 7 Essay 3

Band score: approximately 7.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people believe that children spend too much time watching television or playing computer games. They feel that this time could be used more productively.

Do you agree? How do you think children should spend their free time?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 7 Essay 3Given the current situation this needs to be more clearly explained or removed – what current situation? Better to start ‘Given the advent of new technologies…’ and the advent of new technologies and means of entertainment being available easily, children tend to overdo or get engrossed with ‘get engrossed in and subsequently overdo’ activities that suit them the best. However, the other point of view can also be argued.

In the present scenario of a ‘an’ urban life style ‘lifestyle’ where both member ‘members’ of the family are often working long hours to cope up with the ‘meet their’ financial commitments. In this situation, a child who is happy to spent ‘spend’ time watching television or playing on a computer leaves the busy parent with more free time, and therefore can ease the angriness ‘tension’ would be more academic that may otherwise develop.

In addition, children always this is too strong – ‘can’ learn useful skills, especially with regards computer use. As information technology is increasedly ‘increasingly’ important in our daily lives and professional lives, the ability to operate digitial devices with easily ‘ease’ is increasingly important and as such is a skill best learned at young ‘at a young’ age.

However, there is arguable ‘it is arguable’ that the child will not develop important social skills, as well as having a horrible too informal for IELTS – ‘poor’ effect on their health, as they spend increasing amounts of time inside. Yet this can be destroyed ‘negated’ somewhat by parents setting time limits on using ‘usage’, and encouraging children to spend at least some time outside in more energetic pursuits or errands.

To conclude this needs to be followed by a comma it is in our too personal – you could say ‘the parents’ hands in directing children’s to the right areas than having to let them choose and criticise them for their actions. Although technology can potentially be overused, it also has a useful place in the developed and entertained ‘development and entertainment’ of young people.

(260 words)


Comments:

This essay is well structured and well presented with a good range of grammar.

However, some of the vocabulary could be more academically presented (‘a horrible effect on health’).

There are repeated errors with the word family used (developed instead of development).


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 7 Essay 2

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 7 Essay 2

Band score: approximately 7.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison.

Do you agree or disagree?

*compulsory work helping the community, such as decorating public facilities, which they must carry out in their spare time for a given period.

 

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 7 Essay 2Many individuals think that the best way to punish those who get engaged in ‘engage in’ any kind of crime should be to sent ‘send’ them to jail ‘prison’ – prison and jail have a different purpose. I totally disagree try to avoid using personal pronouns – this could be ‘However, there is a far stronger argument to be made against this’ and the following essay will explain why.

Unless murder is concerned ‘the crime involves murder’] or equally heinous acts, people who commit more minor crimes should be given another chance to correct their behaviour. Isolating a person in the jail ‘prison’ seems to solve the problem but to ‘for’ some there are better solutions to make criminals think critically about their actions, such as assigning them to complete community hours ‘assigning community hours for them to complete’.

Another point to be considered before sending a person to prison, specificially teenagers, is to evaluate the level of crime. There are a considerable number of delinquents that get engaged ‘become involved’ in anti-social behaviour; for example this needs to be followed by a comma fighting and shoplifting amongst youngsters is something common to be seen ‘has become common’. However, bringing these people to prison most likely would not benefit to delete this improve their behaviour but change this to ‘as much as the’ inclusion of youth counselors would ‘which could’ be considered a great deal of help.

Admittedly, a point that could be made in support of the opinion that criminals should be sent to prison is that these people needs to be followed by a comma while suffering the ‘serving their’ sentence in jail delete this and being deprived from many privileges would better think to ‘think better of’ commit ‘committing’ a crime for a second time; however, the life experiences has shown ‘the statistics show’ that a person causes crime again ‘many criminals reoffend’ and ends up in jail ‘is returned to prison’ more than once.

To conclude, it is better for people who commit crimes such as theft or similar to be addressed ‘required’ to work in the community during their free time. By doing so the individuals work would serve a good purpose and the government would have to spend less on jails ‘imprisoning those who break the law’.

(274 words)

 


Comments:

There are some clear strengths to this essay – the writer directly answers the question, the paragraphing is clear and the final body paragraph (the concession paragraph) is well argued.

However, there are a few issues with the choice and range of vocabulary (e.g. ‘Jail’ where ‘prison’ would have been more appropriate).

There are also a few errors in grammar (‘should be to sent them..’). There are also some sections where the writing could have been more academic (‘ended up in jail’).

 


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 6 Essay 3

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 6 Essay 3

Band score: approximately 6.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

International air travel has a negative impact upon the environment and should therefore be restricted.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 6 Essay 3It is reasonable to argue that flying by plane ‘aeroplane/airplane’ – ‘plane’ is an abbreviation has negatively affected the air quality. Despite this, the minimizing of plane services is not possible it is possible – better would be ‘advisable’ and there are many reasons to justify this point of view.

Primary of all ‘Primarily’, people have enjoyed the convenience of flying by plane which includes flexible itinries ‘itineraries’, a variety of destinations, time saving and to some ‘for some people,’ cheap tickets. Thus, it is out of the question [this is too strong – ‘unlikely’ would suit better[/expand] for many that people would consider other eco-friendly alternatives. In addition, for many flying by plane is the only solution to travel for Separate these two into separate sentences – ‘…travel. For…’ or ‘…travel; for…’ example, many immigrants travel overseas to visit their families each year.

Also, one reason that makes it hard ‘challenging’ would be more academic to limit the number of airplane flights is that individuals have made their choice when they choose flying instead of other travelling viable alternatives such as trains. Although it has scientifically been proved ‘proven’ that aeroplanes are the most significant polluters because of the release of carbon dioxide in the atmosfere ‘atmosphere’ and the negitive ‘negative’ effect it has on the ozone layer, people starting from presidents ‘a wide range of people’ would be clearer use the delete ‘the’ air travel mercilessly ‘frequently’. To illustrate the statement that follows does not illustrate the point about a wide range of people using air travel, travelling by plane domestically should be reduced whenever possible.

Admittedly, it ‘there’ is a point to be made in support of opinion ‘the opinion’ that air travelling ‘air travel’ or ‘travelling by air’ should be restricted by raising the prices of tickets because this would encourage people to travel less; however, this would exempt just ‘only reduce’ certain segments of society from travelling by plane.

In brief, there are serious problems connected with air travelling such as release ‘the release’ of carbon dioxide and the damage of ozone ‘to the ozone’ layer. In the meantime, there are many commodities ‘this isn’t clear – what commodities?’ offered by airplane services to individuals, therefore chances to limit the use of planes are rare now and are likely to continue to be rare change this to ‘continue to be so’ to avoid repetition in the future.

(290 words)

 


Comments:

The main problem here is that the writer’s organisation is not clear. It seems that there is no clear point of view apart from the introduction, and the topics of the paragraphs are not addressing of whether air travel should be restricted but whether it can be restricted.

There are some good examples of vocabulary and grammar, but also some instances where the spelling is incorrect or language used is not sufficiently formal for a Task II essay (‘use the air travel mercilessly’ for example).

The introduction, however, is good.

 


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IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 6 Essay 1

IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 6 Essay 1

Band score: approximately 6.0

Task: Task 2

The answer below has been rated purely based on the public IELTS descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in study be motivated to learn?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.


IELTS Task 2 writing sample answer Band 6 Essay 1Living in the competitive world, better education always this is too strong – it’s not always comes with ‘leads to a’ higher living standard ‘standard of living’ is the most common construction. How to improve ‘Improving’ – how to improve is more of a question form the education in children, especially the one ones who does ‘do’ not like studying, is a problem for education ‘the education’ industry in every country this is too strong – it’s not every country, but could be ‘most countries’.

When the ‘a’ child is too young to understand the importance of studying, it is really hard this is too informal – ‘particularly difficult’ to have the motivation. At the ‘an’ early stage, in junior primary school for example, a little discipline is necessary. Though studing ‘studying’ like reading and counting maybe not as interesting as watching cartoons, spending some time on these boring this is not academic – ‘less interesting’ subjects should be compulsory. These measures will give them the ability to enjoy learning activities in coming future ‘in the future’, when they will be ‘are likely to be’ more confident to explore the unknown area ‘unknown areas’.

However, to increase the confidence it is not clear yet why the paragraph is referring to confidence rather than motivation and interest in studying, the most important ‘important factor’ is encouragement, especially in senior primary school and secondary school, when the children need to expand their knowledge dramatically. Most of the student ‘students’ are disinterested in learning because of lack of confident ‘a lack of confidence’. If an encourage ‘encouraging’ enviroment is provided, they will ‘may’ – will is too strong have fun ‘be more entertained’ would be more formal in studying and enjoy the feeling of achievement, hence will be motivated to learn more. In consequence, a better education level can be expected.

Moreover, academy ‘academic study’ does not necessary necessarily have to be boring, it can be fun. For young children, knowledge can be tought in ‘taught using’ cartoons. The Blue Cat series is a successful sample ‘example’ in China, which putting ‘which’ here means that what follows refers to China, not the Black Cat serial is a ‘an’ educational program enjoyed by many children in China. In order to get better result in ‘results from’ children, knowledge can be delivered via children’s favourite cartoon characters. For the teenager, the idols in the entertainment industry play a big role [this could have been combined with the following sentence with ‘and as such’[/expand]. They should be encouraged to send the correct messages to their fans.

In conclusion, compulsory education is necessary at an early stage of studying, while encourage ‘providing an encouraging’ enviroment ‘environment’ and teaching in more entertaining ways are extremely important.

(310 words)

 


Comments:

At 310 words, this is longer than the ideal range of 260 – 280 words. Although this is not directly a problem, it does give the examiner more chances of finding errors or penalising you for not being sufficiently concise.

There is a mix of different levels of vocabulary where a more formal vocabulary should be used throughout (avoid words like ‘boring’).

An example is provided to demonstrate the point in the third paragraph (the Blue Cat series) but the writer has not given other examples for the first two paragraphs, and the topic sentence, development and support are not always clear.

The essay often uses dogmatic statements that are not always true and would be better modified slightly (‘every county’ > ‘most countries’)

However, the essay is relevant to the topic and the use of linking words is generally accurate and varied.

 


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